How to Help Aging Parents Use the Toilet
In life's journey, roles inevitably reverse, and a poignant example of this phenomenon manifests when we find ourselves helping our aging parents with the intimate task of using the toilet. Some may say it’s their worst nightmare!
While society tends to shy away from discussing such delicate matters, we cannot deny the inherent awkwardness that accompanies this role reversal. It is a delicate dance between compassion and embarrassment, as we navigate a delicate terrain where vulnerability and dignity come face to face.
In this article, we delve into the complexities of helping our parents on the toilet, shedding light on the emotional and physical challenges that arise and offering insights into how we can approach this sensitive responsibility with grace and understanding.
Keep reading down below or watch the video to learn how to help your aging parent use the toilet.
Address the awkwardness of helping aging parents use the toilet
It's really common to feel embarrassed about helping your parent on the toilet. Well, that's because in most cases they raised you, right? So this whole situation is kind of a role reversal where you're the one being the caregiver for them.
Let's face it. This situation is not easy for either one of you.
Helping your parent on the toilet is awkward because, well, they're naked on the lower half. It's kind of smelly. Thanks, bodily functions! And you may not be exactly sure how to best help them on the toilet.
You don't want to treat your parent like a child, but it can be kind of hard to know when to step in and help.
The first thing that you absolutely must do when you're helping your parent on the toilet is to acknowledge the awkwardness. You could say something like, “Wow, I never thought I'd help you on the toilet. But here we are!” Or you could simply even just say, “This is awkward, huh?”
If you do that before helping out your parent on the toilet, that can kind of establish an understanding that this is weird for both of you. And it's okay to have these feelings.
Without a doubt, I'm sure your parent would rather go to the bathroom by themselves and not have your help. They may also feel grateful to have you there beside them.
If it's appropriate and you think your parent might like it, you can crack a silly joke and say, “Hey, let's go have a bathroom party!” Or you don't have to make a joke at all. You know your parent best. Try to meet them where they're at.
Help your aging parent use the toilet when they give permission
Next, you're going to tell your parent that you're there to help them if they need it. This gives your parent the dignity and opportunity to choose to toilet on their own or reach out to you for help.
I mean, isn't that what we all want? We all want to have choices when to have people come in and help us.
And then when you see when your parent is actually needing help, give them just a moment and then ask, “Hey, Mom, it looks like you're trying to wipe. Do you want help with that?”
Let them tell you “yes” or “no”. Maybe they need another moment to get the job done. Or maybe they're tired and they're ready for you to step in.
If your parent says “yes, I need help”, then you're going to tell your parent what you're going to do before you actually do it.
So, for example, you may say something like, “okay, I'm going to grab this toilet paper and I'm going to start wiping front to back” and then do it. This communication helps you and your parent understand what’s happening next.
You want to go slow. Make sure you can check with them to see if they're feeling okay. That the pressure while wiping is okay.
When I'm helping people, I usually like to ask them at the end, “Hey, do you feel thoroughly clean?” just to make sure that their bottom is cleaned up.
If something isn't working, like let's say you're not able to reach your parent’s bottom all the way, it's okay to go ahead and stop and reassess the situation. Maybe something needs to be changed.
Maybe your parent needs to move over a bit or maybe you need to try another way to help clean their bottom. For instance, instead of using toilet paper, try a bidet to spray water to thoroughly clean their bottom. It's okay to stop and rethink what's going on.
Help your aging parent manage incontinence
Your parent may experience episodes of urinary or bowel incontinence, you know, those accidents where they don't make it to the bathroom quite in time. Those can feel embarrassing for everybody and kind of frustrating. But there are things that you can do to help limit those episodes of incontinence and make sure that everyone is dry and happy.
The first thing that limits episodes of incontinence are to help your aging parent use the toilet during routine parts of the day. My favorite schedule for toileting is when your parent wakes up, after meals, and before bedtime even if they feel like they don't have to go.
Having your parent go at those times of day will help train their bladder and bowels to fully empty. It is really helpful for your body to get so used to a toilet schedule. I promise you this will be very good to do!
The second thing to do is to limit fluids two hours before bed time. This will help your parent sleep longer throughout the night. The goal is for them to not use the toilet at night.
If there are any medicines that have to be taken at bedtime, ask your parent’s pharmacist if the medication can be taken earlier in the day. If they absolutely must take medicine at bedtime, just try to have your parent drink a little bit of water enough to make sure it goes down the hatch
But try not to drink anything else!
I've worked with so many patients drink a lot of coffee throughout the day, even decaf coffee. And that is something that can really irritate your bladder. Not only do they have to get up at night and go to the bathroom, but it makes their sleep even worse because they're constantly up and down throughout the night.
If your parent isn’t sleeping well, then you're probably not sleeping well either.
Tip number three is to avoid foods and drinks that have bladder irritants in them. So drinks like coffee, tea, orange juice, chocolate, spicy foods, alcohol are all examples of food and drink with bladder irritants.
It's certainly okay to have those food and drinks earlier in the day, but if it's starting to become late afternoon, evening time, we need to cut them out so that everybody can get a good night's sleep.
have your aging parent wear Easy to remove clothing
Another tip that is great for helping your aging parent on the toilet is having them wear clothes that are easier for them to pull down, pull up, or move to the side.
For instance, when my grandfather was starting to get older, he had a hard time with unfastening his pant buttons and zippers. My family helped him purchase clothing with elastic waistbands, like sweat pants or shorts. It was so much easier for him to pull his pants down and pull them up.
This made it so he was able to take care of his clothing when going to the bathroom for a much longer period of time. He maintained his privacy and didn’t need our help with fumbling with a belt, buttons, or zipper.
Nowadays, there are more accessible clothing lines with clothes that are easy to remove and stylish. You could quickly do an internet search for ‘accessible clothing’ and find a lot of options!
For people who don't want to wear pants, they certainly could wear house dresses. House dresses are very comfortable It's easy to pull the dress up and pull down any underwear to get on and off the toilet.
If your parent is having episodes of urinary or bowel incontinence, it's a really good idea to think about using disposable briefs. Disposable briefs are stretchy. It's easy for them to be pulled up to the waist and pulled down.
If your parent has an accident, the briefs have seams on the side for you or your parents to rip apart and throw away in the trash.
the best Positions for helping your aging parent clean their bottom
As a caregiver, it's very important that you put your health first. When we're helping our parents on the toilet, it's really easy to forget that. And over time, you may start to feel pain and strain in your back and the rest of your body.
So these tips are going to help you take care of your back so that you're able to help your parents clean up after they use the toilet.
If your parent is able to stand up with good balance while holding onto a grab bar or a walker, it would be great for them to remain standing while you are wiping their bottom. When they're standing, they're bringing their bottom up to you. This means that you're going to be bending over less to wipe their bottom, which is going to cause less strain in your back.
If your parent is not able to stand up on their own without help, I highly recommend having them stay seated on the toilet. To make it easier for you to reach their bottom, ask your parent to scoot towards the front of the toilet. After your parent scoot towards the front of the toilet, that'll let you go behind their back and wipe them while they're seated on the toilet.
This is much safer for you and for them!
Also, if your parent is seated on the toilet and you don't want to wipe their bottom with toilet paper or wet wipes, this would be a great opportunity to use water to clean their bottom thoroughly.
Again, that'll be a huge back saver for you.
Here's a warning tip: Never try to hold your parent up and wipe them at the same time. That is a for sure way to destroy your back!
And also as a public service announcement, I just want to say to remember to wipe front to back, especially for those with female anatomy. If you wipe front to back, that will reduce the risk of your parent getting urinary tract infections.
Use water to clean your aging parent's bottom
As somebody who's helped clean up a lot of bottoms, I highly recommend you consider using water to thoroughly clean your parents bottom after they use the toilet.
Why?
Water is more efficient and gentle at cleaning your parent's bottom compared to toilet paper or wet wipes. You save money from buying toilet paper. You get to change the water temperature for your parent’s comfort. And water reduces the risk of skin abrasions and breakdown that can be caused by toilet paper and wet wipes.
If you’d like to learn more about different types of bidets, take a look at these articles below:
Changes to make to the bathroom for your aging parent
I'm not going to lie. This is my favorite part.
If your parent is having a hard time getting on and off of the toilet, there are some changes that you can make to the toilet and the area surrounding the toilet so they could do more for their own.
The first thing I want to talk about is grab bars. I love grab bars because your parent can hold on to them and help push themselves off the toilet or pull themselves off of the toilet.
If your parent has dementia, read this blog post to learn the best types of grab bars to empower people with dementia in the bathroom.
Check out the Bathroom Solutions Shop to see our grab bar offerings:
The next thing that can be done to make it easier to get on and off the toilet is to put a stool riser on the toilet to make it taller. Now, I only recommend this for people who are five feet four inches and taller. That's because the petite people need to have their feet touching the floor when they go to the bathroom.
Trust me, it's just much safer that way.
Another thing that I absolutely love to do to the toilet to make it easier to get on and off is to put a Toilevator underneath the toilet. The Toilevator is a platform for your toilet. It makes it taller so that it's easier for you to get on and off.
Again, this is an option that's best for people who are five feet four inches or taller.
Grab bars, stool risers, and Toilevators make it easier for your parent to get on and off the toilet more independently. Now, if you're not entirely sure which one would work best for you, I highly recommend asking your parent’s primary care provider to give you a referral for an occupational therapist.
Occupational therapists love coming into your home and helping make sure that you and your parents are safe in the bathroom!
Did we answer your questions on how to help your parent on the toilet?
I hope these tips help you when you're caring for your aging parents on the toilet. Have you had any experience with this? Do you have any tips to add? Please put them in the comments section down below.
(Pssssttttt . . . did you know we have an awesome online course for people who have a hard time wiping after using the toilet? It’s an awkward topic that you can learn how to solve in the comfort and privacy of your own home! Learn more about the course HERE!)